COACHES CORNER: The power of just showing up; a sad truth coaches have to deal with

Let me paint a picture for you.

It’s senior night at your favorite high school football program. The parents are gathered at one end of the track to stand with their seniors to be honored. There’s great excitement and a great feeling of celebration as we get ready to recognize the senior athletes. Moms are slightly teary-eyed, the dads are very proud as they hold the child’s helmet.

In the back of the line, there is one senior waiting. Not waiting for his number to be called, but simply waiting for his parents to show up. A look of sadness and frustration goes across his face as the ceremony starts. The coaches walk over to stand with them. It seems their parents did not show up.

This was probably the same athlete who had to call for rides at the end of practices and games. Probably the same athlete that needed support equipment or assistance finishing their required paperwork. In post-game, he was probably the kid more worried about how they were getting home, and potentially what they were going home to, rather than the excitement of the contest.  

The picture I just painted is for sure etched in the memories of many coaches who know instances of the athlete I am talking about. As coaches, players become members of your family and it hurts your soul to see one of your own go through it. Unfortunately, this story is not fiction. It is reality for many athletes. So many players just want someone to show up for them. 

This idea of not showing up for your child may seem foreign to a majority of people. I know  that most, if not all, parents would do whatever they can to be there at their child’s sporting events. But for whatever reason, some parents don’t show up. This can lead to devastating effects on a player’s mental health. It can mess with their psyche and shake them to the core. 

Coaches have an incredible task, as being a mental health counselor of sorts has become more or a role added to many coaching duties. I can remember many coaches consoling players once the season was over, not because of the result of the contest, but rather because without football they would go back to a world without constant support. For those athletes, without that consistent figure in their life, their football coach becomes their person who does show up for them every single day at practice and games. 

 The relationships that coaches build are important. But when that relationship is maybe the only consistent adult in that player’s life, their Role is even more critical. Unfortunately, some programs have five or six of these players, and it’s crucial that not just the head coach, but also the assistants and support staff step up to guide and mentor. They all have to be on board, supporting them and being the model of consistency.  

While we may hold hostilities towards these parents, questioning them and asking questions like how hard is it to just show up, there has to be an understanding that every situation is different.  Some parents may have jobs that prevent them from coming to the game. There could be transportation issues. Even the cost of attending the game, which can be a stretch for larger families. 

Thankfully, there are other ways you can be there for your child, with the streaming of games on YouTube or other platforms. but that’s still not good enough for some athletes.

There are still some parents who just do not show up for other reasons. It could be they have an issue with the school or the coach,  it could be family dynamics or just flat-out laziness.  Regardless of the reason, it is still an incredibly disappointing moment for any football player to look up in the stands and know that no one is there for them. 

As you go to games this season, stop and think about those players. The game you attend and the player you show up for are important and you should let that player know that you did show up for them. But also think about the players who don’t have anyone there for them. A simple pat on the shoulder pad and saying ‘good game’ or ‘great job’ could make an entire week for a player.

So lets show up this season for ALL our players and make every kid feel like they have someone in the stands for them. 

Coach‘s Corner appears weekly at Outside the Huddle. The author Ben Martone played football in the SAC and has coached at North Side and Northrop. He is currently a teacher at Weisser Park Elementary in Fort Wayne Community Schools.